This week has been harder strangely.  The momentum has gone and so has the excitement. No further donations from a single soul this week, including some who had told me they would be.  On a couple of occasions I’ve resorted to alcohol free beer, the placebo effect is perfectly acceptable, a bottle of beer tasting stuff in my hand makes a evening at the pub feel….more pubby I suppose but beer is not what I miss.

A lot of the time it’s hard to define exactly what it is that I do miss.  An appletiser is a perfectly acceptable replacement for a cider taste wise and is better for me and yet I my first thought is to want the cider. And wine, oh wine,  I imagine the rich vanilla and berry taste of the grenache from the local pub on my tongue and my mouth waters.   I’ve developed strange cravings for chocolate on occasion which is almost unheard of for me, I would generally tell people that I do not have a sweet tooth.  I’m no longer bothered by receiving an easter egg as for choosing between sex and chocolate, what is wrong with you women?  Seriously?  You’d choose chocolate?!

Last week I said that I felt the greatest significance of booze for me was comfort but I’ve come now to think that’s more than that.  There is a deeper level for the significance of alcohol for me, it speaks to luxury and sensuality and treating myself.  I take a tremendous amount of enjoyment from food and drink, even more so now that I’m at home and have the time to prepare something fresh for my lunches.  I can make a luxury out of french beans and new potatoes or a bowl of purple sprouting broccoli and I’ll savour every mouthful but it’s hard to make a luxury out of peppermint tea.

For all that the thought of feeling drunk or hungover again is more than a little off-putting.  I have a horror of the feeling that this substance is changing how I feel and how I think.  I hope that when I’m allowed booze again I will treat it differently,  drink less but make sure that my choices are truly luxurious and that I am getting the best possible sensory experience.  Of course that all remains to be seen.

I’m a little under half way though so please, please get donating and make this all worthwhile.




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