Finding a balance in life is so much more than just work/life. It’s more because there is so much to be contained in that one little word – ‘life’. It is as much a part of your life to hang out the laundry and cobweb in the corner as it is to remember to call your folks or post that birthday card and that’s without getting into any areas of your life that are exclusive to you. Some people appear to have a gift for doing exactly what they want, others appear to regard their ‘life’ as revolving entirely around the needs of others. Some people appear to have boundless energy and almost seem to take a thrill in rushing everywhere and others appreciate peace.

There are some areas of life that I do not excel at. I am absent minded, I have a busy head and I tend to forget things. I seldom post thank you cards or birthday cards. I might sometimes forget gifts. I’m a great cook and a terrible housekeeper. I’m socially awkward (that’s why I always have a glass in my hand dumbarse). The truth is that just like the only child I am I like to be alone. I like it quiet. I have a hundred pursuits that I am more than happy to focus on all by myself. I’m also more of a night time person which means I’ve always struggled with the early start that society deems is the norm. Left to my devises I would get up late and work into the night and have time everyday for yoga and reading and cycling and playing the guitar and somehow I’d also have time for a movie.

Of course if I were to fit all of that into my day I’d forget the other life stuff like talking to people, being a wife and looking after my house. What I think of when I think of ‘life’ is maybe a little bit selfish. As a child I was repeatedly told that I was going to grow up spoiled and selfish. It’s not a nice thing to say to a child. The truth of being an only child is often rather more complex. You think in a solitary way because you spent the greater part of your life being solitary. You struggle to interact because you don’t understand the rules. I can’t comment on what I may have been like as a child but as an adult I try very hard never to be selfish. I want to be a good, nice girl. My husband often has to push me to just say what I want and if it’s in opposition to what he wants I feel bad. To a degree my life has always been about finding a balance between doing what makes me feel relaxed and happy and trying so very hard to please.

So today I was tired. I find it hard to get to sleep early and after a week of Pete working late my body has started to revert back to type, I’m happy to be awake at midnight. I slept in this morning. Physically I feel a lot better for it and I now want to reintroduce the yoga that I’d dropped last week while I was working 9-10 hour days and suffering a cold but I know that means I’ll probably be working tonight and if Pete isn’t out that means I won’t get to spend time with him. He tells me he doesn’t mind but my mother told me off for spending too much time working and not enough on being a wife and I also kinda like the guy.

Writing is an odd area too, of course trying to write is about me but earning from writing is important to us as a unit. I’m working my fingers to the bone on paying projects so that I can build up a good reputation and hopefully have ongoing work. I’m not actually working on any of my own projects at the moment. I’ve haven’t published an article as Chastity in weeks and I had to turn down a project working with Neal because I won’t have the time. Don’t get me wrong I’m over the mood to be working as a writer but my own writing has fallen by the wayside. I want to self-publish another novelette by the end of the year but I haven’t had the time to work on it. I’m supposed to writing up a comic script to work with Al and I’ve managed about three pages.

Balance is hard.

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